Top of '23: Reflections

 I had a hard time with this prompt this year, but these are some of the things that came to mind.

• Don't put off making things you love because you don't know the future. I haven't allowed myself to sew clothes since 2019 (I believe) because my weight has been changing so much since then. I've continued knitting because that's stretchy and forgiving, but sewing generally is not and I like for my work to last for a very long time. I tend to become very attached to the clothes I make, and even now I have a stack of favorite pieces I made when I was a larger size that I want to try and take in for me to wear now. Will this ever happen? Well, it hasn't yet, lol. So I hate to make things knowing that my body will change since I am still working toward that happening. This year I just said heck with it and started making things and I'm so glad I did! I love the pieces I made this year and have worn them a lot. I need to mentally get out of my own way and just spend my time doing things I love regardless of other particulars in my life. 

• I don't need to own all the things. This is a hard one for me because I have always been an acquirer of stuff. Generally I can keep things organized and it works out well for me to have the supplies on hand to make what I want, but these past few years have seen a lot of acquiring without a lot of using and it has created quite a backup. I now have too much stuff for the space I have and it is an imposition to me actually getting things made up because the stuff itself takes up too much space and even gets lost in the mix. This coming year I want to do a major overhaul of my entire craft room and get things functional again, but I know that also means I need to stop acquiring more. That's seriously so hard for me! lol I'm not one to ever say no to a free item someone gives me that I like or a 50 cent piece of good fabric at the thrift store. My motto is you never look a gift horse in the mouth. Those types of finds don't come by a second time, so if I like something I have learned to grab it when it comes my way. I'm working on a plan to curb this, including a buying ban this coming year, but the biggest thing regardless of that is that I need to clean things out and get them better organized.

• It's ok to just make things for yourself. This is a topic I mentally struggle with. As someone who sews and has kids, it's just kind of an expectation that I would want to make them lots of cute dresses and whatnot. I certainly have enough fabric for that. But just like I don't like making myself things that I know won't work for me in the long run, the reality is that kids grow quickly. They won't be able to wear the things I make for very long (sometimes just for one occasion or month), and that just makes me not feel motivated to make things for them. Also, kids are very ungrateful when it comes to clothing. It's not their fault - our society in general doesn't value the skills it takes to make clothing - but kids especially just want clothes with designs they like and they don't think much else about it. I do want to make my kids more things this year now that I'm sewing again, but I also don't feel bad about making things mainly for myself. It's my hobby that helps me feel productive and have fun, so I shouldn't add in guilt about not spending that time on someone else. It's not like I get a ton of time for myself anyway.

• Not everything I make needs to be practical. As a person who predominantly wants to make clothing to wear everyday, it's a bit of a mind shift to allow myself to make things like historical costumes. I like my sewing to produce workhorse items I can wear to death, but a historical costume doesn't get much wear at all and takes so much more time to make. Yet I love the challenging sewing, so I need to just get over it and occasionally make something that doesn't serve any day to day purpose.

Top 5 of 2017: Reflections

It's reflection time! This is always my hardest of these posts to get started. I've already said my highlights and "reflected" in each of the posts, you know? So I take reflections to mean on life in general, not necessarily just sewing. So here goes.

1. The hurricane was a major MAJOR set back for me. We were lucky and did not sustain much damage, but it was more damaging to my sanity than anything else. Not while it hit, but the aftermath of life in spite of all the new junk you've just been handed to deal with. I really felt like I was doing ok until this point in the year and I recently realized that this was the turning point in my outlook. This was also the time that I found out I needed to move again, and this left me in an unsettled state. I never wanted to do too much and I was afraid of getting involved in large projects because I was afraid I would have to pack up and leave, negating or messing up whatever I was working on. It may sound silly, but just this thought of displacement was enough to really mess me up mentally speaking. I need to work on getting myself mentally ok again - not feeling attached to things and all that Buddhist jazz. I just didn't pay attention to how much I had slipped back into the old mindset of relying on certain things all the time to define my day to day life instead of being able to roll with the punches and be happy in spite of whatever may come. Definitely something to put down on the goals.

2. I like making costumes in theory, but I find the process very stressful and not super productive. I thrive on feeling productive. I love knowing that I've accomplished something even in my downtime - thus all the creative hobbies I am ALWAYS doing. I'm really proud of the costumes I made this year, and I did learn a great deal making them (lots of trying new techniques, etc), but I kind of always walk away feeling that my time was somewhat wasted on this item that will only be worn a few times. I guess I've just really become accustomed to garment sewing. It fits my personality perfectly - I sew not only because I enjoy it, but also because it is useful to my daily life. I sew to make my life better in many ways, particularly because I have such a limited budget so clothing buying is limited to the thrift store offerings. I love that I am able to take my handiwork around with me everywhere I go :)

3. I need an uncluttered and cleaned up space to live in. This is one of those things that you always hear people tell you but you never really "get it" until one day it applies to you. I'm not the most fastidious person and I've never been very concerned about a certain amount of clutter in my house. Now that I've dealt with issues like depression and downsizing, I know the value of having a neat house. This is a huge struggle for me, but I've been better this year (just not quite good enough). It never fails that when I find myself in a funk, I look around me and things are a mess - and I honestly feel like this status snuck up on me in that moment. It's like I woke up and things were messy. I've found a good balance in my sewing room: Everything has a place, and I make a big mess during a project (unavoidable) but I clean up between each project. I put everything back where it goes, I vacuum, etc. I need that nice clean space to invite me in and get me motivated. When I feel frantic, I tend to push this need aside and just try to power through, but I find myself avoiding even going in my sewing room (I am honestly doing exactly that at this moment as I write this, lol). I need to pay better attention and dkeep things more generally tidy.

4. I've really enjoyed knitting lots of toys this year. Last year I tried to focus on more practical knitting projects, and while I loved making my sweaters that year, I only made 5 toys and left a couple of wips. This is so depressing to look back on! Toys are just my frivolous thing that I love to make, and I didn't realize how much denying that want had affected me until I started making lots of toys whenever I wanted this year. I made 18 toys this year (!!), some knitted and some crocheted, and several of those were large projects that involved many different pieces. I was really on a roll with it and feeling great. I'm glad that I let myself go in this respect and didn't force super practical knitting. I love the toys I have around to show for my time, and I had so much fun making them.

5. I need to try new things fairly often to keep myself entertained. Grant you, I love churning out yet another of my favorite shirt pattern just as much as anybody, but I have to mix it up by trying something new every so often or I become bored.

So that's that :) Check back soon to learn my goals for next year!

Top 5 of 2016: Reflections

I feel like I never really know what to do for my "reflections" post each year with this since my highlights are kind of a reflection to me. So there are a few things I noticed throughout the year.

I need to give myself a break - This is the biggest message I've tried to drive home in my brain that just wants to make - make - make things all the time. Life is a busy business. It would be great to have all the making time I wanted, but that's completely unrealistic right now. I work full time, live alone (well, with my dog and cat that need taking care of), I go to support meetings once a week, go to singing rehearsal once a week, go to church every week, I have a house that is still not up on the market because I need to fix and paint a bunch of things, and I'm a functioning human so I have lots of daily necessities to take care of like cooking and cleaning and laundry. That's a lot of stuff to juggle! I'm lucky to even come slightly close to accomplishing the bare minimum with all those musts in my life, so I need to stop feeling guilty about not having much to show for my making this year. I accomplished a lot of big things that took a lot of time and personal growth, and I need to remember that. So what if my #2016makenine list was completely unfulfilled (lol, yup I didn't make a single pattern from that list). There isn't some all knowing making judge who is going to take away my sewing machine due to lack of output. I need to just be amazed that I made anything at all and be happy with that. And so should we all! To quote Carrie Bradshaw, "Why are we 'should-ing' all over ourselves?"

When I'm stressed, I reach for easy wins - This is pretty obvious given that almost everything I made this year was from a pattern I've used before, and even if it was a new pattern, I made it more than once to get the max boost from it. Also notice (when I post my year stats) that every single top I made this year was in knit fabric. And my skirts were fit and flare. So easy to fit! Sadly all this easy sewing has lead me to get frustrated quickly in woven patterns when things don't go my way (I'll be reporting on that soon too with my Regency dress saga). I've accepted that the simple projects are just what I need when things are hectic and it helps me do the first thing on my list and give myself a break for not pushing myself or whatever it is we feel we 'should' be doing. This is my hobby and it's meant to be fun :)

I am a fabric and yarn hoarder - There. I admit it. With my lack of productivity this year, you'd think that would mean I scaled back in how much fabric and yarn I purchased, right? In all honesty, I did scale back, but not as much as I should for the lack of output. My stash is growing again. I have high hopes of motoring through some of it in the coming months, but realistically I will just replace it with more. Sad but true. I'm working on being more grateful for what I already have - which is a crazy mountain of fabric and yarn. I could probably make something every week for the next 5 years and still have fabric sitting in that stash. I'm hoping that I will be able to move some of my stash on to a new home this next year. We'll see if that happens, lol.

Planning new projects makes me happy - This goes along with my fabric and yarn hoarding in that I LOVE to plan new projects. And when I plan, I plan. I make sure I have everything on hand and ready to go for when I want to make that plan a reality. I still remember the plans I made for every piece of fabric in my stash. Isn't that nuts? I can't remember where I put my phone several times a day, yet I can call this information up at a moment's notice. I also am pretty good at looking through my stash of patterns and fabric online since I set it up (Pinterest for my patterns, Trello for my fabric, and Ravelry for my yarn). I can plan on the go when I'm away and unable to make anything. This leads to lots of things I wish I had already made, but it's stress relieving just making the plans. So I'm ok with it :)

This blog helps me feel my creativity has purpose - I realized this year that I really enjoy the fact that I post regularly and have a voice - even if no one was looking at it, it still ticks all kinds of boxes for me and that's a good thing. Does it matter that I don't have "relationships" with people who read my blog? Not really. Blogging is more about the fact that I showed up and put myself out there than it is about bragging and making people like me. I love that my readership has grown, don't get me wrong, but I would still be blogging even if everyone went away. In that way it really is like a "live journal" for me, just one with a theme around making stuff :)


I'm sure I could 'reflect' some more, but I'm not so sure it's what the challenge really meant so I'm going to stop there, lol.

Next up: Goals! And year end stats! Stay tuned!

2015 Top 5 Reflections

Man, How do I come up with 5 reflections? This will be a big mixture of things since I really can't separate them in my mind.

I've become comfortable in my own skin - It feels silly when I describe it to non-sewers, but sewing has absolutely helped me to be comfortable with my body as it is right now. I've spent my whole life feeling too large, even when I was actually not large (I know that now when I can look at old photos). I used to save fabric or clothing or who knows what else for "when I loose weight". That was most of my life, people. I haven't lost much weight in my life, and considering the crazy events of my last year I certainly didn't help matters (I stress eat, it's just the way it is). Sewing has helped me to fit my clothes to me instead of the other way around. Sewing has really solidified the notion that it doesn't matter what size you are - if your clothes fit you properly, you will look good. Just because I am larger right now then I would prefer doesn't mean that I don't deserve the cute clothing that I long to wear. Sewing has made it possible for me to wear what I want no matter what size I am. Of course there are always self-deprecating moments, but they are far less often with me since I started sewing clothing for myself. Sewing is a huge ego boost - not only do you get to wear the cute clothes, but you get to know that you made it yourself! How cool is that?! Don't get me wrong, I eventually want to loose weight, but not for the "fitting in size __" aspect. I want to get healthier because I deserve it. I'm just not going to beat myself up constantly in the meantime when I have so many other stresses in my life. I use sewing as a personal bolster. All the fun of clothes shopping, none of the judgement.

I can do hard things - A good friend of mine (thanks, Kara!) uses this as her personal motto, and ever since I read that on her blog I find myself using the phrase too. I CAN do hard things. Are they always pleasant? Absolutely not. Do I grow from them and appreciate the skills I develop later? Most definitely. I've had to do more truly hard things this year than most of my other years combined. I know I probably feel that way because this year is more fresh in my mind, but I think I could even write down the main difficulties of my life and this year would carry the bulk. This year doesn't end these difficulties, but after a full year of learning a new way to live my life I can deal with the problems that I face head on without avoiding them like I used to. I try to apply this to my life in general as well as to smaller things like my sewing and knitting. I'm more willing to take risks because I know that even if I don't get it exactly right, I will gain experience from it that will contribute to when I try again. Sewing and knitting are great self esteem boosters in this aspect, and I can never recommend them enough. You can do hard things. Don't sell yourself short because something sounds to difficult right now or else it always will be.

Making things doesn't have to be a big song and dance - I used to dream of making things, but then talk myself out of the actual work. I would decide it wasn't worth pulling out the machine/making a mess/not having it fit right/messing up/etc - the list could go on forever. There are always reasons we can concoct as to why we can't do something. This year, I told that voice to shut the heck up and I just made stuff. Knit shirts really helped get me to that point to be honest. Sewing can be just a matter of grabbing something stretchy to sew so you don't have to make a zillion muslins, lol. You don't have to have tons of time or money to make the latest and greatest thing out there. Just use what you have of time and funds to make something that you enjoy and that's all that matters.

Knitting is my yoga - Seriously, those bags and stickers that say "I knit so I don't kill people" ... those are talking about me. I've become that crazy lady who even knits during church, but you know what? I don't care! Knitting keeps me sane. It's amazing how meditative knitting can be. You get to this zen state and you are able to process all kinds of other thoughts while your muscles just do what they know how to do. Knitting is much cheaper than therapy, but it feels close to as good sometimes.

Things don't have to be perfect for me to be happy - Our time has this unfortunate idea that life should be nothing but happy moments. Friends, happy times are great and all, but that level of constant bliss is not sustainable. We have become entirely too dismissive of the term "content". We can be content with our lives no matter what is going on around us. We can choose to enjoy life in each moment, not worry about what already happened or what could happen tomorrow. We can enjoy the small moments and be happy as they come. When they go, that doesn't mean life is terrible. Life is just life. It's entirely our perception of what is going on that affects our happiness. Hard times come, but they will pass. When you stop grasping at the big happy moments and thinking that they are the norm, you will start to see all the small moments of goodness and appreciate them more. This is the piece of the puzzle that no one really could explain to me, and I'm so glad I've finally learned it for myself. Things will change - nothing is the same forever. Enjoy each thing as it comes, because it will never be the same again.


Ok, you've endured my Top 5 lists thus far, so stay tuned for my goals for the coming year next!